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Sapie Brothers
The Sapie Brothers are two penguin siblings, named Huma and Stamm, respectively. Both wander around Antarctica with video equipment in hand, almost like they are making a movie. Both of these penguins have a PHD in biology, despite the fact they were never enrolled in Penguin Academy or Penguin State University. They are the only penguins better at biology than Explorer 767. Background No one knows much about the Sapie Brothers, all the Snell-Libros know is that they reside in Humana Cathedral and wander across Antarctica with video cameras and film equipment. They also have valid, authentic doctorate certificates they often carry around with them. Strangely, the school they graduated from is not on any map. Has anyone heard of "Harvard University"? Involvement They are always travelling, asking questions to any talking creature they pass, then getting it all on tape. When asked why, the say that it's for a "documentary" for "Portugal". The creature being interviewed almost always responds with "Don't you mean Dorkugal?" Furthermore, they are always very curious about 90-150 and consistently ask everyone about The Humana Cathedral Papers. Unfortunately, few people have ever read the papers, but for everyone they ask, it adds another creature to the list of HCP hunters. Adventures Explorer 767: (meeting the brothers for the first time) Who are you? Stamm: We're the Sapie Brothers. We're interviewing people-- I mean, penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica. Explorer: (suspiciously) Why? Huma: For, er... research purposes. Stamm: Yeah! We're going to send it to Portugal! Explorer: ...don't you mean "Dorkugal"? Huma: (annoyed at Stamm) Yes... "Dorkugal"... Explorer: I suggest you go to the SnellBook library. They have way more information there than I could tell you. Stamm: (confused) SnellBook? Huma nudges Stamm aggressively. Stamm: (correcting himself at high speed) Oh, yes, SnellBook! We'll be right there! Explorer: Good! *slams the door into the brothers' faces* Huma: (to Stamm) Loser. ---- (They come back a few minutes later) Explorer: Now what? Huma: We'd like to interview you on The Humana Cathedral Papers. Explorer: What?! Stamm: (reassuringly) We just wanna know about them. Explorer: Why? Huma: ... Explorer: Alright, that's it, freaks! No more interviews! I am not telling you anything about those papers! Understand? Stamm: But-- Explorer: But what? (Both brothers fall speechless.) Explorer: You know, there are two reasons I'm not telling you anything. First of all, both of you are getting increasingly annoying. (Silence) Explorer: Second, I have never seen a penguin with a mark on their chest patch that says, "I AM A PENGUIN". Stamm: That's because-- Explorer: Hey, 23-skidoo, alright? (Explorer slams the door in the brothers' faces) ---- (The brothers try the igloo across the street. They knock on the door, and find...) Fred 676: (meeting the brothers for the first time) Who are you? Stamm: We're the Sapie Brothers. We're interviewing penguins so we can make a documentary on Antarctica. Fred: (suspiciously) Why? Huma: For research purposes. Stamm: We're sending it to Portugal! Fred: ...um, don't you mean Dorkugal? Huma: (looking at Stamm) Yes. (under his breath) Dorkugal. Fred: So who have you interviewed? Stamm: Well, there was this guy called Explorer 767-- Fred: And what did he say? Huma: To go to SnellBook. Fred: Exactly what I would have said myself. *slams the door in the brothers' faces* ---- Jacko: (Meeting the brothers) Vell? Who are you? Stamm: GAH! THE PUMPKIN! IT LIVES! (Stamm attempts to run away, but Huma grabs him and pulls him back) Huma: Heh heh... of course it lives! This is my brother, Doctor Stamm. He's spastic. Stamm: Hey! Jacko: So, why did you climb 'zee mountain to meet 've? Huma: We're making a documentary. Stamm: Yeah! Then we're sending it to Portugal! Jacko: Vhat? You mean "Dorkugal", vight? (Huma nudges Stamm again') Stamm: Yes... Dorkugal. Huma: I told you he was spastic. Stamm: Hey! I AM NOT SPASTIC! Huma: See? Huma: Anyway, have you ever heard of The Humana Cathedral Papers? Jacko: (suspiciously) Ves, I do. Why do you vant to know? Huma: Well, we live in Humana Cathedral, and we were just curious. Jacko: Vell, all I know is that 'zee papers are from another country, written by another species vot like our own. Huma: Fascinating. Have any more information? The penguins back at Por- I mean Dorkugal would love this. (''The Jacko smiles, he always wanted to be in a movie!) Jacko: Vell, a Snell-'Zibro wiretapped a phone conversation between two nasally voices. The sounded a vot like yours. (The brothers look at each other, then look back at the Jacko.) Jacko: Don't vorry, it's not you, a lot of creatures have 'zee funny accents. Stamm: Is your accent Austrian or Russian, perchance? Jacko: (confused) Vhat? What's an Austrian and a Vrussian? My accent is 'the Lantern Dialect, for 'zee record. Huma: Oh. My brother loves to... um, make up words! (Dr. Huma rubs the back of his head with those mittens.) Huma: Heh heh... so, got anymore information? Jacko: Ves- Vait. Vhy do you live in 'zee Humana Cathedral? (Doctor Humana and Doctor Stamm exchange blank glances) Stamm: Uh... um... er... it's... roomy. Huma: ...Yeah, it's... roomy. Jacko: Don't vou know? Stamm: Know what? Jacko: 'Zee place is filled with 'zee monsters! (Stamm is shaking like a leaf) Huma: Oh really? Jacko: Ves! Zhey say that featherless, beak-lacking, skinny vammals live vhere. It's very scary, vindeed. Huma: We've been in there. Nothing but dust and old furniture. Stamm: Do you know where SnellBook is? Jacko: Vell... take the Antarctic Express vown to Snellville. Vou can't miss vit. Stamm: Snellville? That's a town in Georg- (Huma slaps his mitten on Stamm's "beak".) Huma: Thank you... talking pumpkin. Jacko: Vhatever. ---- (At Slapper Junct., Pengolia, on the Antarctic Express) Announcer: (over intercom) This is the end of the track. From here, you can take a Skyline to Ternville or Freezeland. Thank you for riding on the Antarctic Express! Stamm: Now what? Huma: (pointing to Penghis Khan, who is surrounded by guards) Look! Someone to interview. (The brothers calmly walk over to Penghis Khan) Penghis Khan: Who are you? Huma: We're the Sapie brothers. We're making a documentary to send to Portugal. Khan: You mean Dorkugal. Ha, the penguins over there are annoying Penghis Khan, wanting him to build ships with them. Ha! Stamm: Why are you talking in the third person? Khan: (sitting upright, alert) Did you just insult Penghis Khan? Stamm: Er-- (Khan fish-slaps Stamm) Khan: Penghis Khan *slap* likes *slap* referring to himself *slap* as Penghis *slap* Khan! *slap* Huma: Sorry about my brother, he's being spastic again. Anyways, do you know how to get to SnellBook, oh Most Mighty-- er, Khan? Khan: (while fish-slapping Stamm) Let Penghis Khan think... ah! Just take a Skyline to Freezeland. Then travel by train to Snellville. You can trust Penghis Khan! Huma: Thank you. *drags his brother out the door* ---- (On the train to Snellville) Stamm: (groaning) Oh... that must have been the smallest penguin I ever saw... he sure has... oh, a big fish. Huma: (leaning over in the adjacent seat, whispering) I can't put my finger, I mean flipper on it... but the little fish slapper reminds me of someone I once read of. Stamm: Why? (more moaning) Huma: Well, think about it, Stammerly. Rugged, windy terrain, cheap huts, a leader with "Khan" as his last name, aggressive behavior... does that not all sound familiar? (Stamm moans) Huma: I'm serious. I have read it before. I just can't remember where! Stamm: Oooooohhhh, moonngggoolliiiaaa... Huma: That's it! Mongolia! I knew I heard of it before! (Other penguins are now staring at Huma, while Stamm is fast asleep in his chair) (A young penguin interrupts the silence.) Young Penguin: Hey Mister, what's a "Mongolia"? Huma: Um... it's... it's sort of like... well... I don't think you are old enough to know. Young Penguin: Sure I am! Tell me! Huma: Okay... you asked for it... (Dr. Huma whispers to the little penguin) Young Penguin: WHOA! So that's the real name for brussel sprouts! Thanks mister! (The young penguin walks back to his mother.) Young Penguin: Momma, can I have some Mongolias for dinner? (The mother stares down at the child) Mother: ...sure, son. It won't hurt... right? Young Penguin: No ma'am! It's a fancy word for brussel sprout! (The mother lets out a sigh of relief.) Huma: I'm glad that's over, what do you think Stamm? (Stamm is asleep, and drooling.) Huma: (thinking) ...am I the only mature member of this group? ---- (At Rocket Junct., Snellville, on the Antarctic Express) Stamm: Now what? Huma: Easy. We look for this "SnellBook", or whatever it is. (Just then, Snelder passes by) Snelder: Hello, who are you? Stamm: (to Huma) Gosh, that's the biggest snail I have ever seen! (Huma shoves Stamm warningly) Stamm: Is that a steam engine? HAH! I TOLD YOU BROTHER! I WASN'T CRAZY! STEAM ENGINE, POWER LINES, CIRCA 1879!! I WAS RI-- (Huma covers Stamm's "beak" with his mitten.) Huma: Don't mind him, he's spastic. Anyway, we're the Sapie Brothers. We're making a film for Port-- I mean, Dorkugal. Can you help us find SnellBook? Snelder: SnellBook? Bah, I could tell you a whole lot more info than what they have! Huma: Could you help us? Snelder: Sure! (Snelder starts one of his long, boring stories. Both brothers fall asleep.) Two hours later... Snelder:... and so, the USA was formed. Well, d'you like it? (notices the brothers are asleep) Oh, bother. I wonder why everyone does that! ---- (At SnellBook) Huma: At last! Snell-Libros: Hello, and welcome to SnellBook. Do you have a library card? Stamm: SUGAR PANCAKES: RADIOACTIVE GASTROPODS! Huma: (slaps mitten on Stamm's "beak") Sorry, he's spastic. Snell-Libros: Understood, sir. Do you need any help? Stamm: Nah. Snell-Libros: (as if noticing the brothers for the first time) You two look odd. Huma: Oh, we're outsiders, from Port-- I mean, Dorkugal. We're making a film on the history of the USA. Snell-Libros: Ok, sir. Are you sure you need any help? Stamm: (confidently) Nope! A few minutes later... Huma: (on the comupter) Phooey! I can't figure out this twisted library code of theirs. What's PO-3-A/Flap-Ternville? Have they ever heard of the Dewey Decimal System? Snell-Libro: The Dewey what? (The brothers turn to face the Snell-Libro) Stamm: Uh-uh-um......... Huma: (thinking quickly) Is there a book by an author named "Dewey"? Snell-Libro: (thinking) Dewey? Well... Stamm: (excitedly) Brother! Look what I found! (The Snell-Libro takes a look.) Snell-Libro: Hmm... XX-6-Unknown. Ah. That's The International Database on the LiquidFence Scandal. It was quite a show. Huma: Don't you mean "Watergate"? (The Snell-Libro glances at Huma) Snell-Libro: Umm... you must be confused. The LiquidFence scandal involved video tapes on- Stamm: (annoyed) I know, I know. Richard Nixon. Snell-Libro: ... Huma: (changing subject) Wow, that's a nice shell! What substance do you run on? Snell-Libro: (blushes) Well, it's just a little nuclear fiision mechanism. Uranium, plutonium, recycle wastes, the works. Stamm: Wow. Snell-Libro: Quite. (The Snell-Libro floats off) Huma: (slaps Stamm) You loser! (screams) YOU ALMOST RUINED IT! (Everyone in the Library looks at the brothers) Huma: Sorry, my brother's spastic. He almost ruined... um... he almost ruined our research by... hitting the delete key. (The other patrons go back to their reading) Huma: (thinking) That was close. ---- (Outside SnellBook) Huma: Now what? We can't go back in there! Stamm: Maybe we should go back to the big city where we started from. (The brothers get on the Antarctic Express) ---- Huma: Oh GREAT! We took the wrong train! According to this map, it'll take four hours to get there! Stam: Well, we can always talk to the locals... (The Sapie Brothers look around the train. A few Jackos, some terns, four snoring penguins, a secret agent reading a magazine, and a yellow puffle are seen.) Stamm: (to Huma) Found anyone yet? Huma: Well, I see a little kid with a big crate... I think he's scientist. (Huma and Stamm look at each other and laugh.) Stamm: (sarcastically) Yeah, and I'm Louis XVI, King of France. Huma: Didn't that guy lose is head? (The brothers laugh. The aforementioned scientist walks over to them. It's Dooley, the inventor.) Dooley: Hello friends! Want to see my product? (More laughter.) Huma: (whispering to Stammm) The little freak thinks he's a salesman. (Audibly) Sure, we'll see your "product". Dooley: Oh, thank you sir! You will love it, I assure you! (Dooley unveils his invention. It's the fruit slicer that looks like a guilliotine.) Stamm: (screaming) SWEET MERCIFUL PANCAKES ABOVE, IT'S A GUILLIOTINE! (Dooley looks at Stmm funny) Huma: (stuttering) H-h-he-h-hey k-k-kid... th-th-that thing's a-a-a-a-a-a-a-- Dooley: (cheerfully) A fruit slicer!! Isn't it AWESOME? I made it myself. It even has safety features!! Stamm: (screaming) GUILLIOTINE!!! Dooley: No sir, it's a fruit slicer. Wait, what's a "guilliotine"? Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!! AAAAHHH!!!!!! Dooley: ... Huma and Stamm: AAAAAHH!! Dooley: So you don't want my- Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!! Dooley: I'll take that as a yes. Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!! (Dooley is throughly creeped out by the Sapie brothers and waddles away with his "fruit slicer".) Huma and Stamm: GUILLIOTINE!! ---- (at South Pole City) Stam: That was the scariest thing I ever saw. Huma: Well, now that our horriffic incident of terror is over, let's try to find some information. Random Penguin: BOOKS! GET YOUR BOOKS! FRESH BOOKS! Huma: Weird. Hey Stamm, what's that in your han- I mean extremity? Stamm: It's the Waterg-- I mean, LiquidThingymajigger book. I checked it out. Huma: Maybe we sould find out more about this Antarctic Watergate. Stamm: (pointing to a passerby) Look! Let's ask that guy! (The brothers tap the passerby, who is revealed to be...) Explorer 767: Yes? Both brothers: AAAAAAAH!!! How'd you get here?! Explorer 767: (sniggering) Well, I'm a delegate at the South Pole Council, duh. I work here. That make any sense to you? (both brothers nod) Explorer 767: I work over there. (points to the City Capitol, across the street) Which means I'll be watching you carefully. (glares) Very carefully. Stamm: (after Explorer leaves) So, what's worse? Tht penguin, or the guilliotine? Huma: Forget the stupid guilliotine! How can we interview with him around? Stamm: Well, we could convince him that we are real penguins. Huma: Doctor Stammerly, that's brilliant! We'll do it! Meanwhile, across the street... Explorer 767: (to the rest of the South Pole Council) See them? They're right across the street, heading for the Grand Library. (points out the window) Judge Xavier: What do we do about dem? Fred 676: Simple; we're in charge of the server flow in Antarctica, right? All we do is track them; watch their every move. If they do something funny, the next thing they know, they've got a squadron of agents on their heels. Let them check out their book. Wait 'till they go back and actually read it. We'll install cameras on every inch of Humana Cathedral. If they're telling the truth, which I doubt they are, they'll turn out fine. If not... I won't say the details. Everyone agree? (Council members nod) Fred: Alright. Off to Humana Cathedral! ---- (South Pole Council, in Humana Cathedral) Fred 676: Wow. Quite a large building. Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan will go in first. You follow Penghis Khan. Happyface141: I've got a bad feeling about this. (The Council, with Penghis Khan in the lead, creeps silently into the Cathedral.) Judge Xavier: Tha place is huge, how can we put tha cameras on it? (All the penguins look at each other) Jacko: Vait! I've got van idea! Vhy don't we take 'zee cameras and attach zhem to 'zee steps? 24Keyser: Ok. (starts fumbling in bag for cameras) Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan likes that idea. (looks at an end table near a sofa) Penghis Khan will put his tiny camera on the end table. (Penghis Khan walks over to the end table. Yet, he was too short to reach it!) Penghis Khan: Penghis Khan can't reach the end table! This must be the buggest end table Penghis Khan has ever seen! (The other council members laugh) The Great Snailzini: Heh heh. Penghis Khan thinks he's of normal height. Fred 676: That takes quite a lot of ignorance... six to the eighth power, if I calculated right. Penghis Khan: (jumping up and down) MUST... REACH... END.. TABLE! (screams and takes out fish) FOUL END TABLE, FACE PENGHIS KHAN'S IMPERIAL PWNAGE! Explorer: Uh-oh... (Penghis Khan smacks the end table with his fish. The table is not harmed, but the vase on it comes crashing down and shatters into pieces. A loud echo rings through the building. The chandeliers of the cathedral make a mild jingling sound.) Governor "?": This shan't be good. Judge Xavier: Shan't? Fred: It means "shall not", your Honor. (Just then, The Sapie Brothers walk in. The council faces them in stunned silence) Stamm: (stunned) You broke my end table and the vase on it! (cries) HOW COULD YOU?! Fred: We thought you were evil... so we tried to bug your home. I was going to place a camera on the tangent of your staircase... Explorer: (annoyed) FRED! Huma: WE'RE NOT EVIL, I TOLD YOU! Can't you see you broke Doctor Stamm's favorite vase? Please, just leave. (The Council members leave in disdain.) Outside the Cathedral: Explorer: Well, that was a big waste of time. Mayor McFlapp: I say, they may not be evil twits after all, eh wot? Explorer: I still have my doubts. Did anyone set up cameras? 24Keyser: Umm... I did! Explorer: Well, it's not much, but it's a start. Good job, Keyser! (The Council heads home) Meanwhile, in Humana Cathedral... Huma: Stamm, that was the best acting ever! You really convinced them! Stamm: (crying) Huma, they broke my vase! My favorite vase! Huma: You weren't acting? Stamm: (bawling) MY VASE! MY PRECIOUS VASE!!!! WHY?!?! Huma: (rolls eyes) You are such a spaz. Stamm: MY VAAAAASSSSEEEE!!!! ---- (Some days after mishap) Explorer 767: (to the Troublesome Trio) We have to find out what the Sapie Brothers are up to! 24Keyser did set up a camera, but it only provides coverage of the kitchen. Happyface141: We could swim there. Barkjon]: Ooh! I've got it! Here's my plan. (Barkjon proceds to explain his long, but detailed, plan) Explorer: Great work, Barkjon. Alright everyone, get on your swimsuits! Operation Spaz is a go! ---- (At the Cathedral) Explorer: Whoo, what a swim! Man, that storm was ROUGH! Stamm: (Out of nowhere) Hey? How did you get here? I just fixed my vase! (The Trio looks at the vase. It is covered in tape, staples, glue, and paperclips.) Barkjon: So, we wasted a swim in a HUGE STORM for nothing? (Barkjon leans on a nearby end-table, not knowing it was the vase one. The table flips over, and the vase crashes to the floor. Stamm and the Trio remain silent... suddenly, Stamm starts trembling.) Stamm: M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my vase... MY VASE!! MY VVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Stamm looks at the celing) WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY?!?! (Stamm runs off crying. A crash is heard in the kitchen. Stamm falls over. The Trio watch in awe as a table flips over like a see-saw. A watermelon is flung through the air. It smacks into a corner of the kitchen... right where a camera was placed. A "splat" sound is heard, following a short circuit sound, along with a temporary brownout in the whole cathedral. Immediantly proceeding, a loud snoring sound is heard from the Third Floor, coming from Doctor Humana. The Trio stare at each other for what seemed like years. No one dared to speak. They just took off running, waddling as fast as their little webbed feet can carry them..) ---- (The Sapie Brothers are at the Dojo) Huma: (looking at the carved designs on the walls) Such intricate designs! Who built this thing? (Sensei appears out of nowhere, scaring the brothers) Sensei: I did. (looks at the terrified brothers) And who might you be? Stamm: (stuttering) W-we're th-the S-s-sapie B-Brothers. W-we'r m-making a f-f-ilm on Antarctica. And wh-who are y-you? Sensei: (ignoring Huma's question) Ah, yes. Welcome to the Dojo. It was said that you would come here. Stamm: How do you know that? Sensei: I got an e-mail notifying me that two weird-looking young grasshoppers would arrive at the Dojo around 1:50 PM. (looks at watch) You're 5 minutes late. Both brothers: ... Sensei: So, would you like to become a ninja? (Both brothers huddle together) Huma: (whispering to Stamm) If we become ninjas, we'll have access to more rooms. It'll do our "research" a lot of good. Stamm: Oh, goodie! I always wanted to be a ninja! Huma: (out loud) Yes, sir, we would like to become ninjas. Sensei: (giving the brothers a pack of cards each) Here are your starter packs. Now, would you like for me to go over the instructions of Card-Jitsu? Stamm: What's Card-Jitsu? Sensei: Patience, young grasshopper. (Sensei procedes to go over the rules of Card-Jitsu.) Sensei: Do you want to play with another student, or would you like to face off against me? (Both brothers huddle together again) Stamm: Oh, come on, Huma! Let's face off against him! Huma: Are you sure about-- Stamm: (interrupting) Yes, we'll face off against you! (The three face off) Stamm: (picking out a Rank 3 Water Card) Here, try this one! (tosses it at Sensei) Sensei: (throwing his card in the air) Rank 12, Summoning Card! (Card flashes blue, then disappears. A second later, the air flashes blue, and The Antics Brothers materialize on either side of Sensei.) Huma: (stunned) Sweet mother of pearl... Explorer: (waving cheerfully to Sensei) Hi, Sensei! I'm assuming you got my e-mail! Sensei: (snickering) Yes, I did. But before we chat, why not finish a wll-begun game of Card-Jitsu? (motions to the Sapie Brothers) Fred: (turning to the brothers) Oh, it's you again. I was hoping this would happen sometime. Sensei: (throwing another card in the air) Combo Card! Explorer and Fred: (simultaneously) Ace Of Spades!/Double Ice Prong! (A huge spade-shaped missile flies towards Stamm and Huma, accompanied by a super-sonic ice wave that freezes everything in its path.) Stamm: RUN!!! Huma: I'm running, you useless blockhead, I'm running! ---- Trivia * While Doctor Huma is very irritable and grumpy (not at all like any other penguin), Doctor Stamm is extremely hyper and always in others' business. * These two brothers work together on their "film", but Huma often gets mad at Stamm. * It is very clear that Huma is the leader of the two, as well as the older brother. * Both brothers seem to be scared of Explorer 767 and Fred 676. * Most creatures, including G, F, and most other prominent creatures believe these are just funny looking penguins making a film. *However, a small handful of creatures doubt this. The "doubters" are: Explorer, Fred 676, the Snell-Libros, Barkjon, Happyface141, 24Keyser, The South Pole Council, Aqua Jet, Ford Car, Spy Guy Pers, and Sensei. If you doubt what the Sapie brothers are up to, you may add yourself here. * Stamm constantly refers to Dorkugal as "Portugal", and the Dorkugese as the "Portugese". Many creatures find that weird. *The brothers claim they graduated in "Harvard University". The only-ever mention of this "Harvard University" is in the Furry Flats' rendition of "The Elements Song" by Tom Lehrer. The last lines go: ::These are the only ones of which the news has come to '''Harvard' ::And there may be many others but they haven't been discovered. Of course, the Furry Flats have no clue about Harvard University, they say they "were hunting through a couple of records and found the song." *The South Pole Council started a so-called "Project Tracker" to track the Sapie Brothers around Antarctica. You should read it. *The Sapie Brothers both have a weird black mark around their cheeks. Most people think they are Chinstrap Penguins due to this, but the doubters argue that the brothers are way too tall to be Chinstraps. Or any other kind of penguin, for that matter. * Doctor Stamm is very spastic. See also * Humana Cathedral * The Humana Cathedral Papers * Project Tracker * Stamm's Vase Category:Penguins